I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
