my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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