This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
