i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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