I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
