im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
