oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
