with your own penis?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
