i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
