I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
