your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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