Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
