Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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