the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
