I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize