pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
