God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize