it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning