i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.