yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize