chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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