I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
