I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
