Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize