I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
