An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
