so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
