your parents love me but you hate me
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
