you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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