So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
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