We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
