We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
