Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
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He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
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I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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