I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
