I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
