Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
