i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
