people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
whose ass print is on the piano?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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