I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
