I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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