Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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