so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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