lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
