my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
