it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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