I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
