drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
