he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
