she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
