I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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