im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
