Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
