We won't sleep together?
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You ate ashes out of my bong
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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