i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
