Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
