my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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