I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
