Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
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