I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
