I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
