mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He did a backflip because drugs
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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