: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
